DANIELE POL · · ENGLISH
11 — Emotional Intelligence: Respond With More Awareness
Practise emotional awareness in daily life, leadership and relationships, with a stress journal, check-ins, perspective-taking and two structured reflection exercises.
Read the article ↗Emotional intelligence, often called EQ, involves recognising emotions, understanding what they may be telling you and choosing how to respond. It also involves listening to other people and checking your understanding of their experience.
Technical skill and reasoning still matter. Emotional awareness helps you use those skills when pressure, disagreement or uncertainty enters the conversation.
You can practise emotional awareness in ordinary moments: a difficult meeting, an evening conversation or a review of your day. The aim is not to feel calm all the time. It is to notice what is happening and respond with greater choice.
1. Life: Notice the Pattern Before the Reaction
Lynn, a marketing manager, was driven and capable but often short-tempered when projects hit obstacles. Meetings with tight deadlines triggered the strongest reactions. Those reactions affected her own experience and made it harder for the team to discuss the work.
We began with a stress journal. She recorded the situation, what triggered the feeling and how she responded. After a couple of weeks, she could see a pattern: unclear tasks and an expectation that she should handle everything perfectly.
The “Pause and Plan” technique gave her a response to practise. When stress rose, she paused, took comfortable breaths and decided what she wanted to do next. She could listen to the concern, ask a question or acknowledge the issue instead of answering immediately from frustration.
Lynn also chose three manageable “micro-goals” each day, including something beyond work. Before a difficult campaign meeting, she planned her talking points, a fifteen-minute walk after lunch and a note of useful feedback from the day.
When a colleague pointed out flaws in the campaign, she paused and listened before discussing a solution. After the meeting, she took the walk and reflected on what had happened. The example is useful because each action was specific enough to review; “be more emotionally intelligent” would have given her little to practise.
For your own journal, distinguish emotion, interpretation and behaviour. “I felt anxious” names a feeling. “They think I am incompetent” is an interpretation. “I interrupted” describes an action. Separating them helps you check the story before choosing the next response.
You can add a gratitude practice: three things you appreciated that day. Keep it beside an honest account of difficulties rather than using it to dismiss them.
Empathy begins with listening and asking. “How did that affect you?” is more useful than assuming you know. Social skills turn awareness into action: express a need clearly, set a boundary, ask for help or offer support you can provide.
2. Business: Understand What the Team Is Experiencing
If a team seems disengaged, do not stop at a label such as “unmotivated”. Ask what is happening in the work. Are priorities unclear, deadlines unrealistic or contributions going unnoticed?
Try open questions: “What would make your workday more effective?” and “What challenge might I not be seeing?” Then listen without making the first concern a debate to win. You can acknowledge an experience and still need further evidence before deciding what to change.
Manage your own response before addressing the team. A short pause or walk can help you avoid passing frustration straight into the conversation. Calm delivery does not mean hiding important facts or avoiding accountability.
If deadlines are creating overload, consider the practical choices: priorities, resources, scope and timing. Empathy is more credible when you examine what can change than when you simply tell people you understand.
Use meetings to share goals and constraints, invite questions and make decisions visible. Give quieter participants another route to contribute, such as preparation in writing. The room should not require a person to compete for airtime to be heard.
Shared lunches or collaborative sessions can create contact across functions, but they are not a cure for structural problems. Choose activities that fit the team and keep participation considerate of different needs.
Recognise specific work: “Your handover meant the next team could start without rechecking the details.” A private thank-you may fit better than public praise. Ask rather than assuming everyone responds to recognition in the same way.
Review the effect of your leadership in ordinary work. Can concerns be raised? Are responsibilities clear? Does a difficult conversation produce an action? EQ becomes useful through those behaviours, not by declaring that you care.
3. Relationships: Create Room to Talk and Listen
Look at your shared routines. Do they give you any time together without devices, work or household logistics taking over? Try a “tech-free hour” if that fits your life, or agree a shorter period. Cooking, a game or a quiet conversation can be enough.
For an “Emotional Check-in”, ask: “What is your emotional weather today?” Sunny, cloudy or stormy can be an easy opening. Follow with a question rather than treating the label as an explanation. The person can share more or leave it there.
Notice positive moments too. When your partner makes you laugh or offers a kind gesture, pause and acknowledge it: “That made the day feel lighter. Thank you.” Appreciation can deepen the moment without becoming a strategy to train a response.
Use a “Perspective Swap” for a manageable disagreement. Each describes how the situation looked from the other side, then checks accuracy. Ask: “What have I missed?” The goal is understanding; you do not have to agree on every interpretation.
If both want a more structured opening, try the “Vulnerability Jar”. Each writes a fear, dream or personal story they are comfortable sharing. Once a week, choose one and talk. Either can skip a prompt or change their mind. Intimacy cannot be created by requiring disclosure.
Make room for lightness as well. A “Laughter Night” might involve a comedy, a game or stories you enjoy. Choose something both want rather than making joy another task to complete.
None of these rituals is mandatory. Pick one, try it and ask whether it helped. Emotional connection develops through attention to the person in front of you, including their boundaries and preferences.
4. Personal Growth: Two Exercises to Practise EQ
The following exercises turn awareness and empathy into something you can repeat. Keep them brief enough to use and specific enough to teach you something.
Choose one for a week rather than trying to overhaul your emotional life at once. Review whether the practice helps you describe feelings, test assumptions and respond differently.
Exercise 1: The Emotional Time Travel Journal
Set aside ten to fifteen minutes at the end of the day in a quiet place. Use a notebook or digital document, whichever makes the practice easier to maintain.
- Choose one emotionally significant moment: a disagreement, a disappointment or a welcome interaction.
- Recall the scene. What happened, what was said and what did you notice physically and emotionally?
- Write the emotion and the trigger as precisely as you can. Was it a comment, an action or your interpretation of the event?
- Describe your response. What did you do, and what effect did it have?
- Over several entries, look for a pattern. Does a similar situation trigger a similar reaction?
Close by choosing an alternative response for the next comparable moment. You might ask a clarifying question, state a need earlier or take a pause. Reflection is useful when it gives you a practical option, rather than another reason to criticise yourself.
If revisiting an event feels overwhelming, choose a less intense example or stop. The exercise is not a requirement to relive distress.
Exercise 2: The Empathy Expansion Game
Choose someone you would like to understand better: a colleague, friend, relative or a person you regularly encounter. Treat this as a listening exercise, not an investigation into their private life.
- Pay attention to what they say they enjoy, what concerns them and how they describe their experience.
- Ask an open question such as “What has been the highlight of your week?” or “What are you interested in lately?”
- Listen to their answer and ask a respectful follow-up if they want to continue.
- Reflect on what you learnt about their feelings or priorities. Separate what they told you from what you inferred.
- Imagine how their circumstances might influence their day, then keep that picture provisional. You can ask rather than assume.
Tone and posture may prompt a question, but they are not proof of an emotion or motive. The most valuable part of empathy is allowing the other person to correct your understanding.
Afterwards, note one assumption that changed and one way you could interact more thoughtfully. The goal is a better conversation, not a complete explanation of another person.
Put It Into Practice
Choose a journal entry, a check-in or an open question to try this week. Notice the feeling, check the interpretation and decide the response.
Emotional intelligence is a practice of attention. You build it through repeated choices, honest reflection and a willingness to let other people tell you what their experience means.
Find your next perspective.
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